is your mom at the bar?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
