Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
