But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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