you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
