what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
