Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
