Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
