Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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