I CAN MOONWALK!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
