I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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