Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
