i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
