I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think your dad took our porno
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
