I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This baby is an asshole
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
