it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
