to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
