did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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