...so i touched it.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
