I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the day after is always just damage control
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
