my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
it's like iHOP with fire
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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