im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
