i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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