grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
