yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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