i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
