a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
