Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
