is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
