So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
