At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
