I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
