I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize