i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
