I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The air taste purple.
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