It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
