she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize