We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
