my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
