I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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