I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
