y did u give ur computer a hand job?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
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