why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
All the doctor said was why
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
