this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
