I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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