i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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