It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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