There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
