you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
