I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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