What did we do last night that was yellow?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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