i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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