see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize