I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Did I show you my penis last night?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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