wrigley field is MILF paradise
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
