I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize