Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
