and she was petting her beer can
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
