the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
