her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
