mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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