I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
