so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
