I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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