I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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