just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize