It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
