i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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