woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
