I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize