my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He has the fingertips of a God
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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