Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
That accounts for only three of the penises
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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