have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I have peed in a lot of sinks
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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